Funny Biz Markie stories and appreciation thread!

From another soulstrut post.

DeeRock wrote:
Ok, I'm NYC at club Mars in the mid 80's and biz jumps up on stage and grabs the mic and tells Red Alert to stop deejaying. So he gets the clubs full attention and he says he got a brand new song and it's a really dope and he wants to perform it for everyone. So the whole club is sitting there wacthing him and it's all quiet and he is just standing there like he is thinking, then he said he forgot the lyrics! Fuckin' comedy.......... He drops the mic and walks off.


hogginthefogg wrote:
Not my own story, but I wish it were: I read an interview with Biz from some Canadian zine a few years back. He was buggin' on the different snack foods up there, in particular the Malt Vinegar Pringles. Of said snack, he said:


"Yo, I killed them joints! I gotta get they autograph."

I laughed for about two hours.


Big Chan wrote:
Phone rings one day about 6 years ago. First time I ever talked to Biz on the phone:

Me: Hello
Biz: What you got?
Me: Excuse me
Biz: What you got! Kung-fu movies man. Ca$h told me to call you about the movies.
Me: Who is this
Biz: Biz man! What movies you got.

I then start to list off every rare kung-fu movie in my collection that I can think of. After every title I mention, Biz replies "Got it!" He then says get to the rare stuff man! We start talking about all kinds of kung-fu movies for about and hour and a half. Biz then says, "Gotta go, I'll call you back."
Later that night I'm DUMB tired from work the day before and I'm sleeping early.
Wifey comes in a wakes me up, she's holding the cordless phone. She has a confused look on her face and says "someone named Biz is on the phone for you, he said that you told him to have me wake you up if he called back and you were sleeping. He sounds crazy, is everything ok?" I never told him to have her wake me up. Dude is always on some comedy like this!



ThesOne wrote:
Biz and I are shootin' the shit on the phone one day and his other line rings. he says hold on and clicks over. Then he comes back on and says "yo thes, you gotta be real real quiet when I click over again aight? don't say anything aight? just sit there and listen aight?" Then he clicks over again and now I'm on three way calling with him and some girl and he starts macking her up, but making little record jokes while he's doing it. I'm trying not to laugh but can't believe what I'm hearing. he's on the phone with her for like 45 minutes and convinces her to come through and "rub his back". Dude is the mack like that. She hangs up and he starts whilin' like See Thes?!! That's how you do it??!! Right there!

What a guy.

Another time we were performing at this festival in London. The line up on our stage was something to the effect of Supernat,De La, Jeru, PUTS, Ice T, Biz and a bunch of others. At the end of the show biz gets on the tables and opens his case to expose nothing but incredible ass original disco twelves, starting the set with doubles of an Apache 12 with a cover. In between going back and forth he's flossing the covers to the crowd. Ice T is standing next to me and goes "That Thits incredible." Then Biz stands (literally) on stage while the crowd sings all of the lyrics to Just a Friend. he didn't say a single line. DOPE.

One other time Biz called me while Djing a midget convention in Canada. huh?



Big Chan wrote:
That dude gets ALL the gigs. He called me from Black ski week in Colorado one time.



ThesOne wrote:
One more Biz story:

One day I am expressing my love for the movie Beat Street to Biz and he's like:
Yo, you know I tried out for that right? I auditioned for the "beatboxer" but they picked Dougie because he was skinnier.


Philly Phil wrote:
I get a strange indecipherable message on my voicemail one day about 1 year ago. Kinda sounded like he might've said it was Biz, but I didn't know. I call the number he left on the message and sure enough, it is the great Biz Markie. Second time I ever talked to Biz on the phone:

Me: Hello
Biz: Who dis?
Me: Yo, somebody left a message for Soulman the other day?
Biz: Oh yeah! Whassup? (or something to that effect)
Me: Who is this?
Biz: The B-I-Z the M-aza-A! What you got?
Me: What?
Biz: What you got! Old school joints man. (Dusty Kid) told me to call you about the old school tapes.

I then start to list off every old school tape in my collection that I can think of that he may not have. After every title I mention, Biz replies "Got it!" He then says get to the rare stuff man! I finally mention one that he says he "might could use". I tell him just come through next time he's in Philly. Biz then says, "A-ight, I'll call you back." Haven't heard from him since.


Cas wrote:
the funniest shit to me that still has me rolling is his quote in "rakim told me" when asked to speak on "pickin' boogers", this is what the man said...

"i wanted to do a record like that becuase i knew a lot of people that used to pick boogers. i used to know a kid named anthony hussey and he used to pick his boogers back in the day."


ThesOne wrote:
Biz IS the collector. Pez, lunchboxes, records, kung fu flicks and snacks. That's the realness right there. Plus he's nice with the fems. got a bunch of people out of their deals with sleeping bag, claims he discovered Stark Reality, and testifies he saw Rakim do the cuts on all the Eric B. and Rakim songs. Plus he got the Bell less Mardi Gras but can't find it right now.


DeeRock wrote:
Yeah, he called me once and told me he was deejaying the Mike Tyson fight between rounds! For real though, how the fuck does he get ALL of these crazy ass dj gigs? Is it Monty or do people just go looking for Biz? There is like a party circuit and it seems like Biz or AM get every single big gig.


day wrote:
Yo is it true he has a whole seperate house for all his collectilbles & records?
I remember hearing somewhere he as a fucking room full of Barbie's???

Dude is one of a kind.

ThesOne: True.


pkny wrote:
Another live story: He was scheduled to play the Tibetan Freedom concert at Randall's Island in 97. He was running late, and ended up going on last after BDP. He rolled up onstage wearing a dashiki and an afro wig, holding a blow up guitar, and then proceeded to do a vocal redition of Hendrix's take on "The Star Spangled Banner".


Donger wrote:
Biz played a gig with a friend and I, and he had no headphones so he borrowed my friend's. Well if you've ever met Biz in real life you know just how gigantic dude's head is, anyway long story short he put the headphones on his big head and they snapped. These were good headphones too. He just kept playing with half of the headphones dangling over his shoulder, and never apologized! My friend was happy just to let Biz use them, so he didn't mind. Biz is a big dude, can't believe his huge cranium snapped those headphones.


Philly Phil wrote:
One other thing that Biz likes to do is describe records that he says he's looking for and doesn't know what it is, but really he does have the record and he's just testing you / playing games with you. I have no doubts that he has this record he's describing on the clip. Dude is too funny.


ayres wrote:
Biz was djing a party at Vassar in Poughkeepsie in the cafeteria which was also where they had shows sometimes. on his rider he had "carton of milk" among other hospitality items and he was about an hour late to spin the party but he wouldn't get on until he got his carton of milk. so a student went over to the beverage station and got him two 22 oz glasses of whole milk and he drank them both down one after the other, then djed. i remember Ben BSK was shooting film of the show. i wonder if he still has a tape of that.


Sween wrote:
This guy I used to work with made me laugh once, he said he was out at a club on Long Island and Biz was djing that night. He's like "maaan, I'm in there partying, he's playing shit everyone loves and got everyone dancing, all of a sudden out of nowhere he throws on the theme from Sesame Street".


paulnice wrote:
Okay, one of my favorite Biz stories - one that literally had me on the floor holding my gut - went something like this...
According to Biz (mind you, it's ALWAYS so much better when he tells it), he was at some big rap concert in Canada in the early 90's. Other than Q-Tip, I forget who he said was there, Gangstarr maybe?
Anyway, apparently Sade is backstage (yes, that Sade). So naturally everybody is all in awe. Biz goes right up to her and asks her if she'd be down to
do a collabo on a song. She politely declines, citing that "she doesn't do those kinds of records" or something like that (okay, maybe it wasn't so polite).
Without missing a beat, Biz then asks Sade "Do you mind if I do something?" Before "What?" can fully come out of those lovely lips of hers, Biz proceeds to take his right hand
and (quoting Biz) "palm the shit out of that big ass forehead of hers!"
Yes, apparently, Biz, for whatever reason, shook Sade's forehead with his palm for a good 4-5 seconds.
"Sorry, but I've ALWAYS wanted to do that." says Biz. "I understand." Sade answered back.
One can only imagine the looks of utter disbelief on the faces of Q-Tip & co.

Bonus Beats:
Apparently Sade's forehead took up Biz's ENTIRE palm!


sticky dojah wrote:
a few years ago biz did a show in cologne (at the time when he started to work with groove attack) and he was djing, rapping (just a friend was done by the crowd too), doing the beatbox holding the mic on his head, using his skull for resonance and stuff. incredible!!! at one point he stopped the music, went in front of the stage and said something like "yo, u german people are number 1" and made a little hitler greeting. i couldnt believe my eyes , but it was still comedy. he then proceeded dropping Kraftwerks "mensch-maschine".


DeeRock wrote:
Yeah man, one time Biz called me up and told me he was coming to town and wanted to spend a bunch of money and asked for all these records. So I go dig them all out and show up at his hotel room and he looks at them and says: "Oh I have all these" "I just wanted to see if you did" !!!!!!!!!!! He had this funny ass little kid goofy grin on his face when he said it.


believe wrote:
back in '96 at another university cafeteria show where the crowd was quite milquetoast Biz shows up, spins the all the b-boy classics and everybody is like "eeeehh!".
then he shifts gear and screams something to the effect of "aww man I'm gonna take you back to SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS" and sped through scooby doo, gilligan's island, theme from dallas, greatest american hero. the crowd went bananas.
BONUS BEAT: he djed the entire set without headphones


residentgiant wrote:
My boss was a recording engineer back in the 80's.. I was picking his brain one day, and found out he engineered on a lot of Biz's sessions. Biz would give him his BIZ ring to wear while he was working the board. He'd always ask Biz if he wanted to do a second take, and he'd be like "This is Hiphop, Freddy! Ain't no second takes in hiphop."


ThesOne wrote:
Biz told me another story that if I remember correctly involved him travelling, alone (and still rather unknown), to another part of NY to battle Buffy at a beatbox competition that was rigged in Buff's favor. Well, as biz recounts, he started doing all his funky breakbeat beatboxes and the crowd straight fronted on him. Biz disses Buff and "his I'm hungry shit" and the crowd or at least one of the crews gets furious and chases him out of the club and "across some tracks". I could just imagine a crowd chasing a young unknown biz down the street.


Big Chan wrote:
I think it was 2000, the Spit Kicker Tour rolled through Seattle. De La Soul, Common, Kweli & Hi-Tek. Biz is DJing to start off the show and spins between the groups performances. Biz calls me at work at 1:00PM and says he just left the airport and tells me to meet him at his hotel. I tell my manager my dentist just called and could get me in last minute for a problem with one of my teeth. I'm out! LOL. Supreme and I go meet Biz at the hotel. Biz has his crates with him in the hotel room so we know it's about to be on. Biz starts to show us all kinds of crazy 12" joints we've never seen. The Apache 12" with the cover and all that kind of shit. He would slowly pull the record out of the flight case keeping the cover blocked with his hand, he would then pause and say "I know ya'll ain't got this one!" Then he would show us the record and say "Ha!" Funniest record? You know those plastic 45 adapters that make a 45 the size of a 12" so you can cut with it? This foll had an og Manzel Midnight theme 45 GLUED on top of a random 12" record so he could cut with it! This goes on for quite a while, then he starts playing us CDRs full of old school songs we've never heard of. He had Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh joints that were unbelievable. Then Biz finally says "What imma wear to the show?" He opens up a big duffel bag and the whole bag is stuffed full of brand new clothes all with the tags still on. He pops the tags on some polo gear and says "You know how I do, gotta stay fresh!"
The show was dope. Biz was playing TV show theme songs and singing along and everything. After the show a bunch of us are sitting in a 15 passenger van in front of the venue about to go back to the hotel. Biz is sitting in the seat right next to the big sliding door on the side of the van. The door is open while we are waiting for someone else to come get in the van. Some kid sees Biz and goes nuts. The kid starts yelling "It's Biz. Biz Markie! Def Squad, Juice Crew, The diabolical!" This whole time Biz is just looking at the kid with a tired look on his face. Finally after the kid is done with all his shout outs and praise, Biz looks right at him and says "Close the door!"


Philly Phil wrote:
I almost forgot- that last time I spoke to Biz on the phone, while running down a list of exclusive unreleased joints he has on tape, he tells me he has a version of "The Symphony" featuring him, Kane, KRS-One and Chuck D! Dude is TOO FUNNY.



wrote:
One time when Biz and Kane were in town way back in the late 80's, I went up to the hotel to meet with them and I don't know what the situation was but when I rolled up Cool V was getting his ass kicked by a few of our local BGD members. Then out of no where comes Biz with a 2x4 and in one solid fluid motion whops the three guys in the head and layed them out! Then he told me a story about some guys in VA cahsing him after a gig and shooting at him and he ended up getting away. Then he said the next day he was going through the crate he had next to him in the car and there was a bullet that traveled half way through the records and then stopped! He said his records saved his life.


Big Chan wrote:
So one day Biz and I are talkin on the phone and I tell him I really like the Grand Daddy I.U. LP "Smooth Assassin." Biz starts telling me all kinds of stories about making the album. My favorite was when he said "You know Mary J. Blige was singin' on sugar free right?" "I used to go pick her up in the projects in New Jersey, I'm the one that got her the deal with MCA."


youngEINSTEIN wrote:
backstage in l.a. couple years back biz is supposed to go on stage in 5 minutes comes to the dressing room for snack. finds cheetos but its only the little 12 packs. he proceeds to destroy all 12 packs in 1.5 minutes. peace, stein. .


vajdaij wrote:
My only Biz experience was catching the Spitkickers tour in Cincinnati. Biz deejayed to open it, and he was doing the belly-crossfade, and not really on any sort of beat. Just slam back and forth. Then, when he finally goes on, and the crowd hears 'just a friend' and we all start singing it, he just bends over and screams like a wild man from the bottom of his lungs. No words, just a long sustained scream. Then he beatboxed for 45 seconds and left the stage. It was crazy and I learned a lot about hiphop from Biz that night. Thanks Biz!


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